FanPost

Commie Kickball Wins SEC Opener

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                                                             Kelsey Breathitt -Player of the Match
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That's right.  A beautiful day in Oxford was spent watching our socialist-sympathizing women take it to Auburn, which was televised on ESPNU.  The sport of which I am talking is obviously soccer (football/futbol/etc) aptly referred to by Ivory Tower as "Commie kickball."

 


According to Ivory Tower, that makes me a fan of and former participant in communism, so as such I thought it only right to bring you the news from Ole Miss' very own Red Army.  It was not a very pretty game, but the Lady Rebels dominated through out the majority of the game.  The team is anchored by three seniors (Hannah Weatherly, Mallory Coleman and Danielle Johnson), but it was a group of three sophomores that imposed themselves today.

 

Midfielder Dylan Jordan is a hoss - no really, she is.  She is no Jennifer Hance, mainly because she does not pull the trigger, which Jennifer was always looking to do.  However, she physically let the rather petite Auburn Tigers know that they were going to get pounded if they played in the middle of the field.  Coming out of the game for a short amount of time to get a cut above her eye stiched up, she returned to the game to play with a little more composure.

The second surging sophomore was defender Meredith Snow, who was by far the defender of the game.  Her speed and her anticipation were key to thwarting some of Auburn deft counter attacks.  Honestly, there were times where everyone but she decided to take a nap.

Finally, forward Kelsey Breathitt was my player of the match.  Her skill, field awareness and composure were unmatched through out the game.  She was the shining light in a game filled with laziness, rushed passes and generally ugly soccer.  What I appreciated most about Kelsey play was that at no point in the game did I wonder where she was.  She was always active and making an impact.

If you can't tell, my comments to this point mean that overall we played like crap.  That's the truth too.  We were just by far the better team.  We have more skill and athleticism through out our team.  What's exciting is that we have so many freshmen, they are referred to as "the herd," and sophomores that I can see more success throughout the coming years.

Quick Synopsis.  We got scored on mid-way through the first half due to some shotty defending on a corner - the ball snuck into the corner after bouncing around. 0-1 Auburn.  We battled back just a couple minutes before half with a very graceful and uncommon string of passes that ended in a beautiful header (off a cross from Weatherly, I believe).  Half time: tied 1-1.  After the half we started slow, which seems to be common and frustrating.  Our team was not going forward together at all, leaving the whole middle of the field to Auburn.  Eventually, one of their opportunist, capitalist shorties - we were much taller - shot a ball from 30 yards out because no one pressured her.  Unfortunately, our keeper didn't jump very well, which was due in part to the fact that she was a girl.  1-2 Auburn.  Once again, 5-10 minutes before the end of regulation, we had a couple of beautiful passes the ended in a beautiful shot to the right corner of the goal off a precision through ball (from Weatherly).  End of regulation: tied 2-2.  At this point, we started sudden death overtime, where once again our Lady Rebels started slowly and on their heals. Luckily, a great run by Kelsey Breathitt down the sideline late in the second OT period led to an ill-timed slide tackle by one of the War Tigers...Eagles...Tigersof War players in ugly orange jerseys and a PK - that's a penalty kick.  Weatherly stepped up to slot the ball inside the right post, and the bench cleared to celebrate the victory.  Red Army wins 3-2 in OT, and they are now 7-2 (1-0).

Seems like forward Hannah Weatherly should have been the player of the game, right?  WRONG!  She was lazy and unskilled in greater portions of the game, and laziness is not part of the Commie spirit.  (Thanks, Hannah, for your contributions to the parts of soccer that ultimately matter - the goals!)

Next game (broadcast over loud-speaker, repeated five times a day for the next week): This Friday at 7pm when nationally-ranked South Carolina comes to town.  Nationally-ranked Florida will be here on Sunday too.

This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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