Do You Need Another Reason to Hate South Carolina?

Well, obviously not, but I'll still give you one.

In celebrating the various Red Cup Rebellion Hate Weeks, one must take a look at all things associated with our opponents.  Denigrating opposing universities, geographies, uniforms, traditions and--most importantly--people are all crucial elements of opponent hatin'.  So, let's look at the latter-est element there. 

Who do casual to mildly-fervent football fans readily associate with the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football squads?  Well, it somehow isn't George Rogers, a name which is far less familiar to many outside of the Palmetto State than it should be (ed: seriously, how does South Carolina have a Heisman winner?).  Nor is it any player, really. 

The answer: 

Now, the Ol' Ball Coach I'll leave alone.  Despite his difficulties in Columbia, he remains a great coach who has still held on to that smartass wit he became famous for in Gainesville, albeit a tamer version of it.

Lou Holtz though, that's a different story.  Lou Holtz is, after being simmered down into a thick syrup of pseudo-senility, everything that is wrong with college football.  Consider the following:

• Lou Holtz gave the professional ranks a shot after a brief yet successful stint at a middle-tier football program (North Carolina State).  After being unable to win at a franchise which has had more bad times than good (the New York Jets), he jumped ship in favor of an Arkansas Razorbacks program which demanded immediate success.  Sound familiar?  No?  Think about this: Bobby Petrino gave the professional ranks a shot after a brief yet successful stint at a middle-tier football program (Louisville) and, after being unable to win at a franchise which has had more bad times than good (the Atlanta Falcons), he jumped ship in favor of an Arkansas Razorbacks program which demanded immediate success.  Lou Holtz was the Bobby Petrino of the late 1970's, both good and bad.  I would also like to point out that Holtz was dismissed at Arkansas after his 7th season.  Holtz averaged nine wins a season during his first six but his 6-4 record in his 7th sealed his fate.  And Arkansans insist they're the reasonable ones.
• Lou Holtz coached at Notre Dame.  Successfully.  As in, "won a national title."  Anyone that fuels the coal engine powering the gigantic media boner Notre Dame is able to wield in polling and bowl berths is not a friend of the Cup.  You know what is a (great) friend of the cup though?  Suggesting that Notre Dame "wields" a "boner."
• Lou Holtz once compared Rich Rodriguez to Hitler on live television. 
• Lou Holtz is oftentimes seen within four or five feet of television's most irritating sack of smegma, Mark "I disagree with everything for the sake of it" May.
• Lou Holtz is a member of Augusta National which, while not necessarily a negative personal trait, is something which makes me incredibly jealous and brings out the playa hatin' side of me.
• Lou Holtz voluntarily makes an ass of himself.  Yeah, he's slipping a little, but I find it hard to believe Lou Holtz' on air conduct--wacky looks on his face, extreme Notre Dame homerism, engaging Mark May in insiginificant shouting matches ("TODD REESING IS THE THIRD BEST QUARTERBACK IN THE BIG XII NOT ZAC ROBINSON!"), starting off every pep-talk or Dr. Lou segment with a bullshit "my momma always used to say INCOHERENT AND IRRELEVANT ANECDOTE," et cetera--is truly sincere.  He's a former national championship winning coach who, all of the sudden, doesn't know dick about football.  Does that not seem suspicious to anyone?  I mean, really Lou, Javid Best plays football for Oar-ree-gone?  If he were truly as senile as we all joke he is, ESPN would (hopefully) not employ him.  Yes, I truly believe that a lot of his goofiness is an act.  Lou Holtz makes a mockery out of himself to keep us entertained and make us average folk feel a little better about ourselves.  You know who else does that for a living?  Clowns. 

So, if you can't hate the Gamecocks for their football follies, delicious mascot, mustard-based bbq sauce (which, c'mon, isn't that bad), or overbearing sexual innuendos, hate them for having at one point provided Lou Holtz with a salary.

Ugh.....