BREAKING NEWS: Jevan Snead Injured
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Aug 27, 2009 2:01 PM EDT
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PrintSTARKVILLE, MS (RCR)- Ole Miss Rebel starting quarterback and darkhorse Heisman Trophy candidate Jevan Snead has suffered a potentially season-ending injury, sources say.
Sources could not be specific as to the nature of the injury, citing a "cut or broken thingy" in his "foot slash shoulder region," but were certain as to is severity.
"Its (sic) def(initely) bad for Javon (sic) and the pissers GO DAWGZ(sic)," reported an anonymous source via text message. When asked for additional details specifically regarding the cause of the reported injury, sources added that Snead was likely the victim of an attack at a local Mexican restaurant carried out by...
...El Chupacabra.
Meaning "The Quarterback Killah (sic)" in Arkansan, El Chupacabra is a beast widely believed to be a pivotal piece of modern Mexican folklore. Rumored to attack livestock--especially goats--El Chupacabra has never been reported to have attacked humans.
That, however, has not stopped the incessant reports of Snead's injury. Starkville native and sportswriter Steve "Rosebowl" Robertson claims to have seen the entire incident unfold. "Oh yeah, it was crazy. The dog-monster thing just jumped on him and started scratchin' and a-clawin' all over Snead until he had certainly--please dear Jesus--broken the guy's back or something."
Upon being questioned as to his injury, Snead quickly replied that he was not "gonna answer to that bullshit" before very kindly requesting that "(people) stop fuckin' followin' me around on Facebook 'n' shit too. Fuck." Teammates of Snead were also tight-lipped about the situation.
"I am the only one who brings misery to pretty-boy media sluts around here," replied Rebel defensive end Greg "gr3gxxz" Hardy.
"Mayne you retarded," added Rebel halfback Brandon Bolden. "Snead ain't been to no choopa-koopa that I know of, this is stupid."
The conflicting accounts of this injury have led many to believe that the story could be wrongly attributed or, quite simply, a fabrication. "HA dumb legHUMPERS// Dan MulletHEAD wishful thinking // 45 to NUTTin GREG BYRNE \\ BULLFRAUD jealous of SNEED HEISMAN," reported an anonymous source close to the situation. "Tyson lee SCARED // HA makes story up \ scared of REBELS HOUSTON NUTT BULLFRAUDS!"
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damn
Not even funny… I nearly soiled myself when this headline came up on my phone! It has been my hope that Jevan has been walking around campus in a custom made bubble wrap suit since the Cotton Bowl or has been dressed out and waiting patiently in the locker room for the first game since spring practice ended.
Do not tempt the sports gods...
They have been looking to rain on our parade for a while now.
by ColRebsLastBreath on Aug 27, 2009 3:25 PM EDT reply actions
This was not funny
When I saw the heading all my hopes and dreams of an SEC Championship died
by prideofthesouth on Aug 27, 2009 3:45 PM EDT reply actions
Guys, Billy T's got that shit on lockdown
I mean, we all saw that spin move right?? The mustache? Yall chill, Billy’s got it all under his thumb.
by shitnowiworkinjackson on Aug 27, 2009 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions
I pissed myself
when I saw the headline, then shit myself laughing at the player comments. Well played.
Same here...
Flashes of Billy Tapp spin moving d-backs as our only season hilight danced through my head. Then I laughed hysterically.
People are still looking at me funny.
I heard he broke his collar bone yesterday.
If you google “Jevan Snead” and “broken collar bone” it links to an Alabama blog that is “down for maintenance.”
We make it hurricane, y'all make it drizzle.
Like everyone else..
…I was all like “Oh noz! What the hell!!??” Good job scaring me.
by BimBamOleMissByDamn on Aug 27, 2009 8:22 PM EDT reply actions
What are you guys sweating about anyway?
Snead will be good, but he won’t put up the kind of numbers he did last season with a veteran O-line and a Sr. WR (Wallace) stretching the field.
More inexperience at the O-line and WR positions will make the Rebels more of a run-based team. Houston Nutt will traditionally go back to being his old conservative self, and Ole Miss fans will grumble. Count on it.
When that very thing happens, remember who you heard it from.
Christopher Martin Gonzalez
Our WR corps is MORE experienced than last season.
The rest of your assessment is at least reasonable.
P.S. I’ll take a more experienced QB over experience at basically any other position on the field.
Red Cup Rebellion - An Ole Miss Blog
Blame the Baptists.
by Juco All-American on Aug 28, 2009 7:30 PM EDT up reply actions
A QB is only as good as his O-line.
If Snead isn’t allowed to set his feet as consistantly as he did in the latter part of last season, how is he going to excell in the passing game?
I see much more of the WildRebel formation taking place early in the season to off-set the defenses. They’ll be much more of a ball-control type offense and much less of a big-play offense. I hope they can hang on to the ball consistantly or it may be an up and down ride again, starting with South Carolina. Well see.
Christopher Martin Gonzalez
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