FanPost

Summertime Blues- Best of Oxford: Student Edition

Every college town has things that every student simply must do before they graduate. At Mississippi State, it's a time honored tradition to explain to outsiders that they really do have a good bar scene, and it's just as good as Oxford (it's not even close). In Hattiesburg, students like to drink an enormous blue concoction out of a giant mushroom-shaped cup at a local Asian restaurant. They call it Tiki Bowling. You also haven't been a real student there unless you've nailed a fatty at Roper's and cheered for LSU. We students in Oxford are no exception, so here are the five things every student at Ole Miss must do in and around Oxford before they gradate, or their time here has been a waste. As an aside, simply "partying" or " going to swaps" will not be on this list. People do that everywhere.

5. Eat Chicken on a Stick. I'm pretty sure this was in the foodie version earlier, but it's worth repeating. Every student, at least once, goes to the Chevron at University and South Lamar wasted to order the fried, fatty goodness that is a chicken on a stick. At 1:30 a.m., after standing line and sharing the comraderie of bitching about how long the wait is, you'd be hard pressed to find a more delicate, tasteful, soul-filling meal. During daylight hours, though, it tastes like greasy ass. It is highly advised that you only ingest while drunk.

4. Go to Betty Davis on a Sunday. The fair town of Oxford does not sell alcohol on Sundays. We students still need to get drunk. Luckily, Betty Davis Grocery and BBQ is just a quick ride up Hwy 7. There you can buy cold beer and what I have been told is pretty good bbq. Once your beer is purchased, you can now partake in the Betty Davis Challenge, which is to consume a sixpack before you reach the Oxford city line. This is more difficult than it may sound, but it does combine three favored activities of many Ole Miss students- drinking heavily, drinking heavily while driving, and drinking on the way to a sporting event.

3.Go to a Late Night. Late Nights are a time-honored tradition in Oxford, thanks to our friendly local drinking laws requiring the bars to close at midnight most nights. Not wanted to slow their roll just yet, students for years have continued the party to a nearby house once they leave the bar. There are several constants at late nights- not knowing the person throwing the party, lots of beer, and a random assortment of people. All of these make for a great time boozing and meeting random people you will barely remember the next day. The Late Night is also a key step in the Bar Hookup process. It can either cement your night of action, or leave you cockblocked by the baseball player with a flatbill.

2. Get arrested. A favorite of Ole Miss athletes and students from the Dallas and Atlanta metropolitan areas, getting arrested is a great way to have a fun and exciting story to tell the next day. With OPD more than willing and able to accommodate your night of incarceration, all one needs to do is gets tanked at a bar and either start a fight or stand outside for more than five minutes. It's also an effective way to impress that girl in your Monday morning Marketing 351 class. "Yeah, I got arrested on Saturday. I puked in the alley outside The Library. It was no big deal. My dad was pretty pissed, though. He said I'm going to have to wait another month to get my new Tahoe."

1. Get piss-drunk in front of somebody who knew you as a child. This is a bit more difficult for our out-of-state bretheren, but it's a favorite of Mississippi-born freshmen. Any Southern mom worth her salt has a network of spies in place and located throughout the Oxford area when here baby goes off to college. As such, she'll know within 36 hours if you've done something shameful to the good name she's raised you to have. And let me tell you, there is nothing more "Ole Miss" than standing in the Grove with an untucked Polo and a mud-stained pair of Bill's Khakis, smoking a Parliament Light, spilling your beer, and yelling at the top of your lungs, "IF I SEE THAT COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER AGAIN I'M GONNA FUCK HIS SHIT UP! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! I'LL GO TO JAIL (see #2)!" in front of dozens of small children and the lady who sits next to your mother in the church choir.

This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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