Message Board Idiots: BuMmEr & Old Myth

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is Ghost.  Juco wrote this, but didn't publish it because he didn't think it had enough idiocy in it.  It was supposed to be up on the blog last week as a part of HATE WEEK but fell through the cracks.  Despite Juco's trepidation, I find it pretty damned hilarious and am now going to resurrect what was a good post as to keep it from languishing in our editorial "drafts" box.  Enjoy.

***

It's back!  One of everybody's favorite features of the Cup, Message Board Idiots, roars triumphantly into the Alabama Hate Week which, as anyone with an eye for these kinds of things can affirm, is perhaps the easiest week of them all to jump into.  There are certainly many, many idiots with sports allegiances, internet access, and the ability to (poorly) operate a qwerty keyboard; idiots who span a wide array of fan bases--yet Ole Miss and Alabama have an extremely disproportionate "advantage" here. 

Enjoy and remember, it's the Internet.  Low-hanging fruit abounds.  Don't hate me for taking advantage of it for entertainment purposes.

First, there are the Alabama fans.

In response to the article written by Don Kausler about how Greg McElroy stole Jevan Snead's shirt (an obvious joke between the two quarterbacks), rollnwthtide had this to say:

Well I have a hard time grasping what shirt Greg took? I dont think his family is having problems buying Greg his own shirts and would think he would give it back or send it by mail if it's that important. I know its the principle of the thing and one thing I cant stand is a thief. If it was a honest mistake no-problem. My impressions of Greg does not put me in mind of someone like that. Don can you go into what the deal is over that shirt and why will it take Ole Miss winning for Greg to return it. Maybe it went over my head and under my feet at the same time.

Yes. I think it did, rollnwthtide. Over your head and under your feet at the same time.

What are you getting at with the point about his family? Would you say the same for a player like, say, Julio Jones, Mark Ingram, or Trent Richardson, or is this reserved for players like McElroy, John Parker Wilson, Whitey McSafety, and Caucasian O'PunterfromHoover?

Also, it's good of you not to let Greg McElroy's thieving ways tarnish your opinion of him. (Cue flag and trumpet) After all, this is America, where everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

You "have a hard time grasping what shirt Greg took?"  Well I don't know, do you?  You seem to be the one asking us, as if we're supposed to understand what you do and don't grasp.  While I'm guessing it is a lot of the latter, I can certainly attest to your poor grasp on the function of the question mark in written English.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is where more Bama fan stuff was supposed to go but Juco nor I never really got around to it.  Oops.

Of course, I would be remiss to omit Rebel idiocy.  Remember, you point one finger, and there are three kinda-ish pointing back at your palm sorta.

From the treasure trove of idiocy, the Clarion Ledger dot com, comes 007reb's prediction of the game:

Saturday October 10'th. down go the webels,down go the webles, the Yellow Hammer clubs the defenseless webels into submission in the first half as bamer takes a 24-3 lead into intermission..Second half is more of the same as Bamer continues to dominate and rushes the pigskin for almost 200 yards in the second half in a ball control domination of the defenseless webels and jose snead is intercepted three more times and has happy feet ,takes three sacks in a vain effort to safe face. The Houston P.Nutts are rank but no longer ranked..
For a guy who apparently is not at all an Ole Miss to sign up for commenting as "007reb" is a smidge confusing.  I don't need to tell you why this qualifies as a part of Message Board Idiots, do I?  Webels, Bamer (bay-mer?), Jose Snead (really?), Houston P.Nutts (oh no we're a legume!), etc.  Oh, but he wasn't finished.  One post later, the same fella had this to say:
Oxford- a shoe any way you look at it,,kinda like a pump if you ask Me..
Its third and long,,,run jose,run!!
What?
Rebwowser1 was on it though, and quipped thusly:
now prarie dog, your orifice is telling us you are stupid, go get eaten by a courgar. Houston 54 pups 32. Loss to that tenn. directional school will result in another low in shame. Just mulletmans clock, How many hours tell your next rebel butt kick? tje scj

The six random letters ending his comment are 100% original.  I honestly edit nothing I find.  I would hate for one of my "orifices" to tell me I was stupid, only to have someone suggest I get eaten by a "courgar."  And then there is, of course, the Dan MulleTMAN joke, which I firmly posit is only funny when being mocked by someone, such as yours truly, with a more original sense of humor.

And, just for good measure, he's a response an Auburn fan had to Paul Feinbaum's latest column:

It is amazing to see F@rtbaum struggle to pen something positive about AU. He is so tremendously infatuated with UAT. I mean just look at his picture. He has worn the hair off the top of his pointy little brained head from inserting in up Sabin’s butt. How’s the view from in there F@rtbaum?

Incredible.

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