It looks like some of you sumbitches haven't heard the calling yet
It's time to beard the fuck up.
As I've seen our beloved Rebels struggle this year it is obvious that the sports gods are still not pleased. Can you blame them? So many smooth and pretty faces out there...on the damn men. This isn't dancing with the stars; it's football season. The culmination of centuries of manly aggressiveness rolled into a single sport. Respect that. Honor that. Show the sports gods that you too appreciate the beloved sport of football they have blessed us with. "but Chuck, how do I honor sports gods?" Holy shit, were you not paying attention. Beards dammit. Sports gods love beards. They all have them. When they see your beard they think, "hmmm, nice beard, I like beards, his team should win." If they see lots of beards then they might say
Sports God 1 - "Hey check this out!"
Sports God 2 - "Wow, they've all got beards!"
Sports God 1 - "You think that's for us?"
Sports God 2 - "It's gotta be."
Sports God 2 - "Isn't that the team we've been sticking it to for years?"
Sports God 1 - "yep"
Sports God 2 - "Let's make 'em awesome"
Sports God 1 - "Hell yeah"
Bare - faced Rebels, put down the romance novel and throw away your razors. Don't worry about what your woman says. Deep down she'll feel like a cavewoman who you just bonked on the head and dragged into your love den. Don't let the bra burning stuff fool you. They love steamy caveman action deep down.