Introducing the All-Perrilloux Team!

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Mar 6, 2009 9:34 AM EST

To pass time over the Summer, The Cup will be documenting the inevitable slip-ups and mishaps of our conference's football stars. This shouldn't be too tough because, as we all know, the SEC is rife with interesting, daring souls. After pondering as to how one should document the, umm, accomplishments of our student-athletes, I decided that an exciting SEC offseason should be able to fill a starting lineup consisting entirely of criminals.

Thus, the All-Perriloux Team was born. In a way, this will be like EDSBS' Fulmer Cup except for being conference specific and devoid of any "competition."

Why the "All-Perriloux" team?

Did you seriously just ask that? Eesh, well, alright... As a highly-recruited offensive starter for one of the conference's strongest programs, Ryan Perrilloux had everything one could look for in a Southeastern Conference ruffian. When considering his problems with weed, counterfeiting money, weed, screaming at people in strip clubs, weed, fighting people to defend the honor of his pregnant girlfriend, weed, skipping team meetings, weed, and parking violations, it becomes apparent that no other person could lend their name to such a prestigious organization.

To be a part of this team, a player must meet two simple criteria:

Be on an SEC team
Get caught doing something illegal (no prosecution necessary!) ED: during the 2009 offseason

Innocent until proven guilty? Who came up with that bullshit!? Anyway, below the ~~pretty poor~~ totally badass MSPaint drawing you'll see the foundation upon which this all-netherworldly team will be built. Presenting:

OFFENSE
QB - Arkansas' Ryan Mallett for gettin' dranked in public
HB -
WR -
WR -
WR -
OL - Florida's Carl Johnson for stalking and raping
OL -
OL -
OL -
OL -
TE -

DEFENSE
DT -
DT -
DE -
DE -
LB -
LB -
LB -
CB - Mississippi State's Maurice Langston for slangin' herb
CB -
S -
S -

SPECIAL TEAMS
K -
P -

If you've got any submissions to the team, send them in.

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Comments

Good luck fillin' those Special Teams slots. Maybe you should change K and P to KR and PR.

by Hunter on Mar 6, 2009 10:00 AM EST reply actions

Do you not remember the Colquitt incident last year?

by The One That Got Away on Mar 6, 2009 10:03 AM EST reply actions

Good point. Also, I just googled "kicker suspended" and "punter suspended" and counted results from 18 different schools in the last couple of years. Almost every one was alcohol related. Let this be a warning Ritter. Stay off the sauce.

by Hunter on Mar 6, 2009 10:09 AM EST reply actions

Germans

by Anonymous on Mar 6, 2009 10:20 AM EST reply actions

No inclusion of Jamar Hornsby? I'm hurt.

by Juco All-American on Mar 6, 2009 10:24 AM EST reply actions

Great concept. What's the statute of limitations for eligibility? Does the infraction have to have occured after the beginning of the 2008-2009 school year?

by FireBoone on Mar 6, 2009 10:29 AM EST reply actions

Knowing the SEC you may want a spot or two for coaches as well.

by Hunter on Mar 6, 2009 10:54 AM EST reply actions

FireBoone,

Yes. I forgot to mention. Any accused infractions must occur between the end of the bowls and the season kickoff.

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Mar 6, 2009 10:59 AM EST reply actions

Shouldn't this be called the all Jimmy Johns Team?

by Dirty Flip on Mar 6, 2009 3:08 PM EST reply actions

Re: Perrilloux's rap sheet, you forgot to mention the casino/fake ID incident. Then again, with such a history, it's easy to miss a little nonviolent mishap like that.

Perhaps y'all could come up with a prize for the school that has the most representatives?

by artiger on Mar 6, 2009 3:55 PM EST reply actions

This is a pretty hardcore ripoff of EDSBS Fulmer Cup, no??

by Anonymous on Mar 6, 2009 4:09 PM EST reply actions

@ Most recent Anon,

Isn't that stated in the post?

by Juco All-American on Mar 6, 2009 4:28 PM EST reply actions

Not to mention his own terror-fighting campaign. Pretty sure I remember reading about him throwing out some middle eastern racial slurs of his own to a Baton Rouge bartender that refused to serve him a drink well after closing.

by Rebels7 on Mar 6, 2009 4:53 PM EST reply actions

Vandy of all schools had a kicker beat a team mate and his girlfriend. Thats a jewel right there. Vandy doen't give too many good stories that don't envolve hacking a mainframe or World of Warcraft fuled slap fights.

by Barrett on Mar 10, 2009 4:00 PM EDT reply actions

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