We stalk you through the intrawebs

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Jun 16, 2008 1:19 PM EDT Comment 0 comments

If you'll look at the bottom of our right-hand side menu you'll see that we've installed a small hit counter. For every IP address that views our page in a certain time period it registers one hit and adds it to the total visitor count (12,500 as of this morning). Furthermore it enables us to, in shockingly incredible depth, view all sorts of information about our visitors. For example, we can see which posts are the most popular, which websites have been linking to us, and what operating systems our visitors are using among many, many other things.

The best feature of all of this, in my opinion, is the ability to see what Google search terms were used to locate our site. While a few dozen "redsolocup" and "red solo cup blog" searches a day (just bookmark our site, seriously) constitute the majority of these search terms, we'll get a few really bizarre searches every now and then.

For example:

Solo Cup Related searches- Understandably, we get a lot of searches which are related more to plastic drinking containers than to Ole Miss sports. Many of these Googlers are curious as to the nature of the Solo cup ("how big are solo cups" and "how wide is the top of a solo cup") whereas others are curious as to the fortunes raked in by the barons of the picnic supplies industry ("SOLO cup heir").
"orange county choppers"- This Google search yields approximately 3.3 million results. After looking through the first few pages of the results of this search I've seen the official Orange County Choppers website (more than once), Wikipedia articles, YouTube videos, and a myriad of other things which shine favorable light on these douche rockets. How many pages this user had to sift through to stumble upon our blog which only mockingly mentions these bikes in passing is beyond me. Furthermore, if those were his search terms, what was this person looking for? All of the information you could want on these motorcycles are on the first few pages of this search. This one simply baffles me.
"solo say it ain't so" - Initially, I was going to put this in the first listing. "How does this have anything to do with cups," I asked myself. To see the link between this search and our site, I plugged it into Google and realized that this inquisitor was not curious about plastic cups as I had previously assumed but, rather, he was looking for tablature related to Weezer's "Say it Ain't So." Honestly, I'm rather ashamed that I initially made such a false assumption. I've drunkenly played enough Rock Band to know this song back and forth...on plastic-button guitar, that is.
"patrick willis virginia marijuana" - When I first saw this, I had a reaction similar to "what the fuck is P Willie doing in Virginia?" It turns out, a fella named Patrick from Willis, Virginia recently plead guilty to felony Marijuana possession charges. While I have nothing against even the stickiest of the icky, I don't see Patrick Willis as much of a weed smoker so this one threw me for quite a loop.
"top tier sororities at ole miss" - Look's like someone's getting their pre-rush research done! Here's my advice: be a complete whore. Sure, you may not get into Chi Omega acting like that but the boys will fucking love you. That's for damn sure.
" 'John Cohen' 'Ron Polk' baseball Jewish" - Believe it or not, we're on the first page of results garnered by this Google search. Fortunately, we're on there for making fun of the city of Miami as opposed to anti-Semitic rhetoric. Still, this search is incredibly interesting. Cohen is, believe it or not, the single most common Jewish surname which leads one to rationally conclude that John Cohen is either Jewish himself or of Jewish descent. Why is all of this important? Well, I'm certain you're all aware of Ron Polk's epic hatefest on the hire of John Cohen, but not a lot of us are certain as to the motives of coach Polk for doing so. Cohen is a former player of Polk's at Mississippi State and had a successful coaching career himself in the Southeastern Conference. How could Ron Polk object to that? The only conclusion I can come up with is that Ron Polk is incredibly anti-Semitic. There, you (may or may not have) heard it here first!
"nathan stanley's mom" - We are literally the first page on the list with these search terms. Honestly, I'm surprised this isn't searched for more often by creepy Rivals.com subscribers and jealous high school classmates of Stanley. Pick it up creepsters, you're letting me down.