I understand that living in Starkville is a difficult thing to do. I've been there. Seen it. Smelled it.

It drives some to drink, others to indiscriminate barnyard sex, and still others to breaking out their firearms and discharging them into the night. It can also, apparently, drive someone to delusions regarding what is and is not a serious offense against the laws of the State of Mississippi.

Mike "Shoot 'Em Up" Brown, the former Mississippi State football player who spent at least one Friday night gang-banging (the pistol kind, not the internet porn kind) out near, I suppose, the cattle field with his teammate Quinton Wesley, complained in The Daily Journal today that sentencing had been a little rough on him. "That was pretty harsh and all," Brown told Kyle Veazey of the Clarion-Ledger. "First offense, getting a felony."

Which part of Sylvester Croom's legendary discipline regimen instills in young men the virtuous belief that not just possessing, but actually using guns on college campuses is worthy of something less than probation? I guess the topic "The Current Societal Mood Regarding the Discharge of Firearms on University Campuses" must have been covered the same day Croom neglected to discuss the pros and cons of assaulting police officers.

"I mean it's not like I stole pillows or anything," Brown said.

He didn't actually say that, but it would have been a gall-darn hoot if he had.