All Hyperboles Aside, Scout.com is Run by Assholes

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on May 23, 2008 4:36 PM EDT

If you've ever read or listened to Chuck Rounsaville and/or Yancy Porter and are a rational person then you've most certainly picked up on their bullshit. They're professional sunshine pumpers and rake in money from old guys in sweater vests who don't know any better. While they are fairly good at seeming objective in their reporting, there are moments when laziness catches up to them and their work, especially with concerns to the evaluation of recruits, becomes insanely absurd. Check out this gem from Yancy Porter concerning Terrico White, a basketball recruit:

"You will not see a smoother shot by a freshman entering the SEC next year, period. We would even go as far to say that he has the best technically sound shot that we have seen enter the Rebel program in the last 25 years. When you watch his highlights below, the camera distance makes it a little hard to get a good close view of his shot, but it is as pretty as Michael Jordan flying through the air."

What? Not only do you completely eliminate the possibility of my judgment ("you will not see blablablabla PERIOD! DO YOU FUCKING GET THAT! YOUR OPINION BE DAMNED! I WORK FOR SCOUT.COM!) but then you think I'm foolish enough to believe that this shooting guard is comparable to Michael Jordan.

What the fuck, Yancy?

Yeah, it's true, the kid is a "four star" recruit and looks like he will be able to successfully contribute right away to Coach Kennedy's basketball team, but to compare him to Michael Jordan is a bit much, don't you think? You could have just described his abilities and given us some stats or, if you really deem it necessary, reasonably compare him to an NBA player (I dunno, Mike Bibby or something?).

How many times have we seen this? I can remember on signing day when we had some tight end that Chuck compared to Kellen Winslow and some linebacker he compared to Patrick Willis. Do they think we're stupid, or do they really believe this nonsense? I understand that they are trying to use descriptions that are something more than stats, star counts, and 40 times, but at least they could be a bit more creative.

Chuck and Yancy think this is Barry Sanders

What's even worse than all of this though are the people that just lap this up. A lot of people get huge recruiting boners when they read one of these reports or hear it repeated at signing day parties. They walk around with that smug "I-just-payed-10-dollars-for-misleading-'insider'-information" look on their face and say things like "this kid reminds me a lot of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar" and "A.J. Jackson is going to qualify." Chances are, you've got a friend or coworker or something who is one of these folks and, chances are, you stopped believing whatever he says years ago.

A great deal of this scout.com nonsense is patronizing and lazy. Why people pay money for it is way beyond me. I mean, it's not all bad, but the bad stuff is quite awful. My charge to you, faithful Cup fan, is to objectively sift through this balderdash and separate the wheat from the chaff. If you can do that, you're already better than Scout's proprietors and 90% of its reader base.

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